we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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