I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize