Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
