So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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