he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
