You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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