Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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