right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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