I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
