There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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