loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
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