apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
