Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
