It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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