Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize