Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
