I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
