forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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