he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
