he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize