Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
