dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She needs sedatives and a leash
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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