I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
