Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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