How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
