so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
