do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You've changed since you got that strap on
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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