I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
