is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
