I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
