I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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