They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
