My nipple is on Facebook.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
