I CAN MOONWALK!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
