Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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