just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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