Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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