You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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