is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
