It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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