I need to stop coming to work sober
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
