Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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