I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize