I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
