He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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