nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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