I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize