Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
