omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
