i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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