So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
