I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
