He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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