Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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