i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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