There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
