mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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