she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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