if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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