My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
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I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
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You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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