I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
