you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize