Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
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