So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We're too hungover to prance.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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