come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
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Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
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Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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